THERE! RIGHT THERE!
by pastafangirl
Summary: One day, Ron and Hermione question Harry's sexuality through song and somehow the entire house and Luna get involved in the attempt to figure out the most important question: Is Harry gay... or just European? And what does Draco Malfoy have to do with anything. Warnings: Crack fic, Shounen-ai, yaoi fangirlism, and complete and utter nonsense. R&R. Creative Criticism appreciated.


**A/N: I was on FanFiction and was looking for fics based on the song "Gay or European" from "Legally Blonde: The Musical" (mainly because I had just watched a bunch of AMVs of that song XD) and I was shocked when I could not find a single Harry Potter one. So I decided I would do one myself so here it is. I plan on making a Hetalia one as well. And Hermione is a yaoi fangirl /shot.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter or the song. I do, however, own the plot and my laptop. :D**

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Hermione and Ron were concerned. Recently, Harry had been ignoring them in favor of sneaking off to who knows where. It was currently breakfast and the two were discussing what could possibly be wrong with their friend. "I think he must be gay. Otherwise, why else would he be avoiding us?" Hermione stated. She didn't know why she was so sure but her yaoi senses were tingling and Hermione always trusted her yaoi senses. "I don't think so, Hermione, he would tell us if he was, wouldn't he?" Ron argued. But Hermione wasn't going to go down so easily. Just then, Harry walked into the Great Hall.

Hermione pointed at him "There! Right there!" she sang, " Look at that tan, well-tended skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at the slightly stubbly chin. Oh please, he's gay. Totally gay!"

Ron stood up. "I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say, not gay."

"That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically, radically fey?" They sang together.

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks."

"Look at his silk translucent socks."

"There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing." Ron sang.

"What are we seeing?" Hermione said confused.

"Is he gay-"

"Of course, he's gay!"

"Or European?"

At that, everyone at Gryffindor table, and Luna, most of whom had been standing to listen in, slowly sank down into their seats, and let out a simultaneous, "Ohhhhhhhh".

"Gay or European?" They all sang, "It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?" They all looked at Neville.

"Well, hey, don't look at me."

Luna then added her thoughts, "You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports-"

"In tiny shorts and shiny shirts!" They all sang.

"Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They both say things 'Ciao, bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Oh please."

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray."

Neville stood up, "Depending on the time of day the French go either way" before Luna pulled him down.

"Is he gay or European? Or-" They were interrupted by Lavender Brown, pointing at Harry.

"There! Right There! Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro, hetero jerk! That guy's not gay, I say, no way!" Harry sat down next to Seamus and kept inching closer as they talked.

"That is the elephant in the room well is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume-"

"Is automatically, radically-" Hermione sang,

"Ironically, chronically-"added Ron.

"Certainly, pertin'tly-" Luna contributed.

"Genetically, medically-" Neville sang before the rest joined in.

"GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY,GAY,GAY, GAY-" Harry then turned away from Seamus to flirt with Ginny.

"DAMNIT!"

"Gay or European?"

"So stylish and relaxed." Ron sang.

"Is he gay or European?"

"I think his chest is waxed." Ron said, looking deep in thought.

Luna stood up again, "But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse-"

"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse."

"Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."

"Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes or pointy-toed" Lavander sang, as she made a face at his shoes.

"Huh. Gay or European? So many shades of gray."

"But if he turns out straight, I'm free at eight on Saturday." Ginny said winking at Harry.

"Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro-"

The twins stood up. " Wait a minute. Give us a chance to crack this guy. We have a idea we'd like to try."

"The floor is yours." Ron said.

The twins went up to Harry, each throwing an arm over his shoulders.

"So Mr. Potter, this alleged affair with our little sister has been going on for how long?" Fred asked.

"Um, two minutes?" Harry said confused.

"And your first name again is?" asked George this time

"Harry"

"And your boyfriend's name is?" They both asked.

"Draco"

The table gasped and Harry's eyes went wide as he realized what he said.

"I'm sorry! I misunderstand! You say boyfriend. I thought you said best friend. Draco is my best friend." Ron and Hermione looked slightly hurt as they thought they were his best friends.

Draco stood up from the Slytherin table, looking mad.

"You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it! I no cover for you no more!" He stood up on the table. "Peoples! I have a big announcement!"

"This man is gay and European!"

"Whoa!"

"And neither's a disgrace!"

"Oh!"

"You got to stop your being a completely closet case!"

"D'oh"

"It's me not her, he's seeing no matter what he says! I swear he never ever swing the other way."

He walked over to Harry and grabbed him by his collar, " You are so gay, you big parfait, you flaming one-man cabaret!"

"I'm straight!" Harry yelled.

"You were not yesterday." Draco said patting his head. "So if I may I'm proud to say… HE'S GAY!"

"And European"

"He's gay!"

"And European"

"He's Gay!"

"And European and gay!"

Harry finally just slumped his shoulders in defeat, "Fine, okay, I'm gay!"

The Great Hall let out a chorus of 'Hooray'. Harry and Draco then kissed, causing Hermione to squeal and whip out her camera to take pictures of them, like the yaoi fangirl she is. Dumbledore caused confetti to appear everywhere and they all lived happily ever after. Especially the yaoi fangirls, if you know what I mean.

_THE END_

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**A/N: Yes, I picture Hermione as a Yaoi Fangirl, problem? Crack ending, I know. In fact, this whole story is crack! XD Lol! The things my mind comes up with sometimes. Let me know how I can improve my story. Creative criticism is appreciated! Flames will be used to cook the flesh of my victims (^J^)!**

** -Pasta-chan**


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